Wait, where’d it go?
On Monday, I posted a photo of me in my kitchen, sporting a new haircut.
Don’t know what I’m talking about?
Here ya go!
Check that bed head?! Pretty wild.
I cut all my hair off Saturday, and it’s been a pretty interesting adventure already. There are a lot of differing emotions that go with chopping your hair off. I personally go from “omgilovethisomgwow” to “what the actual hell were you thinking Bridgid!?” every few minutes. But, I knew going into it that I’d be struggling pretty consistently with the cut for a little while.
In reality, big change is always going to be really scary. I actually cried before I did this. (Not in Supercuts, but at home before I left.) I was terrified, which is why it took me so long to decide if I was really going to! I’d been thinking about it for so long though, so I just did it!
What really started this whole fiasco was a photo I found of my Mom with a haircut that’s pretty similar to my own now.
I found this photo was probably 17, and I remember telling a few friends I’d cut my hair like that one day. When I found this though, I was in the middle of growing my hair out again after cutting into a lob freshmen year of high school and then dying it… continually… throughout my freshmen, sophomore, and junior year. I wanted long pretty hair, and I wanted to keep it long and pretty, so I knew I wouldn’t want to cut it for a while. I told myself I’d do it my junior year of college. I figured growing it out for four years would have my hair where I wanted it.
And, it got pretty long between my junior year of high school and my sophomore year of college.
That picture on the left, with my embarrassingly deep side bang and weird stance, is from my junior year and my hair, even then, was at the longest it had been in years! Even before the freshmen year ‘lob.’ In the one on the right, with the snapchat filter, my hair was below my bra strap, and that was my ultimate goal.
I’d surprisingly grown it out while bleaching the ends religiously in an attempt to get a cute ombre look. And while the ombre worked, my ends were totally trashed and I hated looking at the ends of my hair or sitting in my car and having to move my hair so I wouldn’t lean on it or pull it. I was tired of length and ready for some change.
In May of 2016, I cut my hair to my collar bones and felt like I’d lost ten whole pounds.
And I absolutely loved it.
So much so that since that initial haircut, I just kept going shorter and shorter.
The pros of short hair, at least in my life currently, outweigh the cons. For a person who has pretty decently thin hair, shorter hair gives me volume and makes my usually very flat hair, a little livelier. It suits me too, I think.
But even at the shortest (before now,) I still thought about when I was going to cut it all off. I would look at photos of Audrey Hepburn’s pixie, and read articles about what it’s like for when women start growing them out.
And I was conflicted.
Listen, Audrey Hepburn’s pixie is easily my favorite look on her. She is so effortlessly pretty anyway, and she didn’t even really do much to her hair to make it look good besides pulling the sides up with bobby-pins and hairspray when it was growing out. I, however, am not Audrey Hepburn and so the chances of this look not looking great were astronomical (at least in my eyes) and so I sat there, for a long long long long looooong time trying to decide what I wanted to do.
The thing about just chopping your hair off is that there are only a few things you are absolutely certain of when you do it
- It’s going to take, probably, a full year before you even have something close to resembling a bob again.
- It’s going to be really short and your face is going to be really exposed.
And I think that’s what makes it scary. I spent a lot of time considering things I’d never really considered before. I thought about the shape of my face, and the shape of my head, and the texture of my hair (which I am still fairly confused about) and the whole thing made me realize one big thing: I probably shouldn’t worry this much about a haircut.
I’m not going to start preaching about inner beauty because that’s not the point of this post. I am going say that I have worked really hard to not obsess about how others view me physically, and I have learned to put a much larger emphasis on who I am as a person and what I bring to the table. Don’t get me wrong, I take pride in my body and the way that I look, but I don’t do that for anyone else but me. And that’s been a really big adventure for me, and a hard fight against my mind. When cutting my hair became this thing about other people and how they’d view me, I got really bummed. I started to worry about my Instagram, about how my profile would look, and about if I could still grow my following with—what could’ve been—a bad haircut. And I absolutely hated feeling that way.
After going back and forth in my mind for a while, and because I am hardheaded and I’m the first person to say “Yes I can” when someone (even myself) says “No you can’t,” I went and cut my hair.
Like I said earlier, it’s only been a few days and I’m still having to get used to it, but I really do think I’m going to enjoy this little journey that I’ve embarked on. I also think that biting the bullet and chopping it off was the better choice. Now I’m making myself to reinforce those ideologies that I’ve fought so hard to live by. (Also, who knew I (and so many others!) put so much emphasis on hair anyway?)
Anyway, I’ll be updating y’all on the in’s and out’s of the growing out process. There will be photos and updates and, eventually when I’ve fully grown it out, a long post about the process and the timeline.
And, if you’re thinking about getting a pixie, I say just do it.
It’s hair, it really does grow back, and there is no reason to stop yourself. Some of my friends have described this feeling as “freeing” but I’d say it’s a sort of funky adventure. I feel like I’m doing something different and having fun with myself, and I think that’s the key. We can’t always go out and do big things or take big trips, but we can always find a way to make things fun, exciting, and new.
“A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life.”
― Coco Chanel